Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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