I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Vodka?
Forever.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
