Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
