Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Randomize
