I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
