You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
