My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
