I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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