i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
