One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You may now shotgun with the bride
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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