dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
