The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
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