the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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