Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
