I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
