i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
