come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
