They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize