We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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