Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I still have a little drunk in my system
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
