Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
only if we run a train.
done.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
