I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize