so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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