TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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