well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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