I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
