in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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