Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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