I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I had to cum in my sink.
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