Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
