So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
