Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
