I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
