marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Say something about gay babies.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
