Only a mothe r could love this liver
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
