How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
