I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
