Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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