I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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