I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
