It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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