I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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