That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
