Soap is not a condiment
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
