RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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