i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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