He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
