I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize