Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
