mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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