Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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