What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
