I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We need a shit load of segways right now
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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