It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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