Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
