just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
