I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize