I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
