I CAN MOONWALK!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
