Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
