jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
the liver wants what the liver wants
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize