WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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