i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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