Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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