You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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