worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
