You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize