This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
