Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
