he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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